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When Beliefs and Behaviours Collide: A Look at Cognitive Dissonance

  • Writer: nivsdhadphale
    nivsdhadphale
  • Jul 7
  • 9 min read

Dissonance is growth in disguise - pause, listen, realign.


Have you ever told yourself that you would tackle your things-to-do list, but instead you take a nap and then spend the rest of the afternoon binge-watching your favourite series. Later, to avoid judgement you pretend you have been busy all day.  Or you might have bought something expensive and spent ages justifying why you spent so much to yourself or others. At work, have you ever felt pressured into making decisions that you do not agree with? Or maybe people are pushing you to behave in a way that does not sit right with your values? Sounds familiar? Well, you are not alone! When our actions do not match your personal values, they leave us feeling uncomfortable, conflicted or even guilty. This mental unease is called cognitive dissonance.It is basically our mind’s response to internal contradictions where it tries to fix that discomfort by adjusting how we think or behave. In this blog, I explore what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens and how we can work through it with understanding and compassion. 



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And of course it is based on theory! In 1957, psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the theory of cognitive dissonance!  He said it was an uneasy feeling when our beliefs and actions do not match.  What is interesting about this is that it is not actually about making ourselves feel better, but more about us staying consistent with who we are. This process becomes more important when we consider identity, culture or faith. Our core values are often shaped by our upbringing, religious beliefs or cultural background. However, there are times in our lives when situations clash with what we hold dear. An example of this might be when a devout individual faces pressure at work or within their social circles to act in ways that they feel go against their cultural values. There will be some who begin to question their own traditions as they come across new ideas. We all like to believe that we are logical, consistent, and good at making decisions. But the clash is real and can cause genuine emotional discomfort. For example, someone who has always believed in honesty as a key part of their moral compass might find themselves telling a lie at work to avoid a confrontation. As action and value clash that discomfort is dissonance in action and can be deeply unsettling.


How Do We Fix This Mental Tension?

It goes without saying that we want to get rid of cognitive dissonance. It is emotionally uncomfortable, especially if it stirs up feelings we would rather avoid. Because of dissonance, some people might rethink their belief system while others compartmentalise parts of their life to cope.  But over time this can lead to a deeper identity struggle.



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Then there are people who look for what is familiar and seek information that confirms or supports what they already believe. This is known as confirmation bias which helps minimise the uncomfortable feeling of dissonance. The downside is that it can limit critical thinking. This skill is essential to reduce cognitive bias, analyse information, form critical judgements and solve problems using logic and reason.  A lack of it will mean that we leave ourselves with the inability to make informed decisions, foster creativity or promote personal and professional growth. 


So, what do we do? How can we reduce this tension? According to Festinger, we usually do one of three things; either we change the way we behave, change our beliefs or we add new thoughts so that the conflict (or contradiction) is less serious and feels less significant.  Let us consider a practical example that I am sure everyone can relate to.  Imagine a person considers themselves an environmentalist but their job requires frequent air travel. The contradiction between their values and actions could cause dissonance. This person could reduce the discomfort by flying less or deciding that an individual’s actions will not make a difference or they could donate to a cause to offset the impact. Each of these responses is how our mind works towards restoring balance.  What is important to remember is that our brain is working quietly in the background to help us feel better and protect our sense of self. 


Dissonance is not necessarily a bad thing - it can help us to grow, reflect and rethink our values by considering newer perspectives and challenge outdated ways of thinking. For some people the dissonance can be so uncomfortable that they might avoid facing the change and cling harder to their belief system just to avoid the tension. If we can recognise when this is happening, then it helps us understand ourselves and others better.  Awareness helps us navigate conflicts with more kindness. And that, in itself, is a step towards living more intentionally and less reactively, whilst making informed decisions. 


Cognitive Dissonance and Advertising and Public Relations

Since cognitive dissonance affects how people feel, unsurprisingly marketers have found that it is in fact a tool that can be used to influence behaviour change. One tactic is to paint a picture that your life is incomplete without their product. However, once you make that purchase, you might question your decision. But marketers are clever! It is at this point that they step in to ease your discomfort. They make you feel more relaxed by perhaps sending “thank-you” notes or offering loyalty rewards or sharing positive reviews to help you view their item with positivity. The goal? Basically, to align your actions (of buying the product) with good feelings without tension or regret. 

Marketers know the importance of messaging - words matter.  Brands craft messages that link their products to values people already hold close. For example, “you care about the planet” so choose their eco-friendly product and packaging or you stand against animal testing so buy cruelty free make-up. They highlight a mismatch between our current choices and core beliefs before offering a solution. In this way, dissonance disappears, and the tension is alleviated because the action aligns with your values. Clever right? 


Public Relations works in a similar way, but with a sharper focus on information and perception. PR experts are skilled at presenting stories (or campaigns) that create enough discomfort to motivate a shift. For example, if a brand wants to promote a new cruelty-free make-up line. The PR agency needs to educate consumers, especially those who do not know what really happens during animal testing. The aim is to raise awareness and create dissonance between what people believe and what they might be supporting. In that small gap lies the road to change and PR initiates the change.


Social Media, Influencers and the Pressure to Fit-in

Technology has firmly woven itself into every area of our lives, giving cognitive dissonance potentially more space to grow. As we scroll through endless images of beautiful homes, flawless faces, carefully curated meals, and picture-perfect routines, it is easier to compare our ordinary lives and feel as though we do not measure up to that level of glamour or wealth. Sometimes it can affect people who might consider themselves grounded and genuine because they may find themselves editing photographs, using filters, special lights and chasing likes to keep up.  This creates a growing gap between who they are and how they present themselves - a classic example of dissonance. Although influencers claim to be relatable, what they showcase is far from the reality of the average person. Daily workouts in expensive gyms with personal trainers, elaborate skincare routines, designer outfits are made possible by brand sponsorships, a flexible schedule or possibly just a different level of access and privilege. For most of us who might be working, raising a family or living life on a limited budget, these glamorous images can be discouraging rather than inspiring. Often the reality is that this continuous conflict between real life and the perfect online life can wear influencers down and make it more challenging for them to feel authentic. For example, someone who is promoting a minimalist self-care lifestyle, but they are surrounded by high-end products, gifted items and perfect homes. The message tells a different story. The message might appear to be empowering but it is more likely to contribute to feeling inadequate among followers. This difference between life and the curated world on social media can leave both influencers and audiences drained, inauthentic and sadly disconnected. 


The Emotional Toll of Unresolved Dissonance 


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Unresolved cognitive dissonance can cause stress, anxiety, and even affect self-esteem. The gap between actions and beliefs can create a sense of guilt or possibly confusion about who we are. Over time, this internal conflict can cloud our judgement. The added stress can cause decision making overwhelming and lead people to avoiding the source of discomfort completely. Avoidance is an unhealthy coping strategy and misses opportunities for growth. Misunderstanding can occur in close relationships when partners or family members hold different beliefs that they all once had in common before the new characters evolved. This should be a stark reminder that it is vitally important to face dissonance and work through it and not avoid it otherwise the long-term emotional costs might be high. 


Why Mental Health Support Matters

The emotional roller coaster of unresolved dissonance is not a burden anyone should bear alone. As soon feelings of guilt or some internal conflict begins to affect daily life, relationships or general well-being - it is time to seek support. A therapist, counsellor or professional can help untangle those thoughts and feelings. Speaking with someone provides a safe space to explore the source of the dissonance and why it matters to you. In most cases I have found that simply naming the conflict is the first and most important step to reducing the uneasy feeling. 


From Emotion to Brain: What’s Really Going On?

Understanding what is happening on an emotional level is half the story. But to truly appreciate why cognitive dissonance can be problematic and feels intense and why we respond the way we do, it is important to understand what is happening inside the brain. Afterall, the experience is not imaginary. Neuroscience shows that it is deeply wired into how the brain processes conflict, discomfort and self-protection. 

Feel free to skip this part if you are not interested but save the thought that the brain is a beautifully perfect machine. 


In the front part of the brain there is an area called the anterior cingulate cortex or ACC which acts like an alarm system.  It detects when thoughts and actions do not match. Connected to emotional areas of the brain it will send a warning signal that something is not right. As soon as the ACC sounds the alarm, the pre-frontal cortex or PFC which is responsible for thinking, planning and decision-making steps in to try and help solve the problem. Being a strategic thinker, it helps us figure out how to reduce that uncomfortable feeling by changing our thoughts. Another area called the insular cortex processes emotions and bodily sensations that create a feeling of discomfort that comes with cognitive dissonance. So, you see dissonance is not just some sort of puzzle to be solved, it is an unpleasant feeling both emotionally and physically. However, we are not all the same because we are exposed to different experiences without our environment. As a result, some people might handle conflict better. And this may even explain why some of us easily accept new ideas or change habits which other people find much harder. Understanding our brain’s reaction to cognitive dissonance is a reminder that it is a natural and important process. It is not just over thinking as some call it. This perfect machine works very hard to keep us balanced and true to ourselves.


Final thoughts: Learning through Dissonance 

Cognitive dissonance might be uncomfortable but is a natural part of being human. It gives us a chance to learn and grow. If you feel dissonance, pause and explore what might be causing that feeling of anxiety, embarrassment, sadness, shame or perhaps stress. Try different ways of thinking, acting or responding. Talking, being open and being transparent, practicing mindfulness or writing your thoughts can help you through the process and ease that tension. Be kind to yourself. Facing cognitive dissonance with kindness can help us make better choices and live a more genuine life. This journey of balancing who you are with who you want to be is a big part of what makes life simply marvellous.


“Cognitive dissonance is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a gentle signal that you are outgrowing an old way of being. Listen to it with curiosity, not judgement, and let it guide you towards a life that feels more honest and more you.”


 

NivsD (7th July 2025)

 

 

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